I like to bob

Learning to understand the unspoken rules of etiquette and non-verbal communication in Kolkata has been one of the most rewarding things I have experienced so far. When I arrived in the beginning of August, I had a very limited idea of what the cultural differences between West Bengal and Wisconsin. Here is one example of public rules/etiquette that I’ve learned.
One day I was taking the metro with Alix, my female roommate (the sex is important here). We bought our 6 rupee tickets (~12 cents), walked underground and successfully got onto the train we wanted to get on. As soon as we got on, we saw some seats open and we enthusiastically sat down because seats are rarely available. About a minute later, Alix nudged me and said “get up”. I looked at her in confusion; and in response she widened her eyes and tilted her head slightly with a look of “dude”. I looked around me and only then did I realize that everyone else sitting in the chairs was either a women or a child, and the men on the train were standing near the doors, looking my way. Oops... I’m not sure if this is a Kolkata policy or a metro policy in general, but as I stood up sheepishly I saw a sign that explicitly read “women’s side”, ehhh. It was embarrassing at the time, but now I’ve learned my lesson now and will not embarrass myself again…on the metro…in the same way…I’m sure.
An example of non-verbal communication is the famous/infamous head bob. Depending on how this sideways bob is done, it could mean anything from a disinterested agreement to a pleasant acknowledgment. I really think it is the perfect gesture that would make communication in the states a heck of a lot loss awkward at times. Imagine these situations. See somebody and make eye contact? Head bob. Somebody asks you a question? Head bob. This head bob could be huge. It was hard for me to interpret this signal at first, but now I know to look at the context of the convo and have even started using it myself. Cultural understanding…success.
To me, one of the hardest parts about studying abroad so far has been the communication barrier leading to a feeling of a lack of belonging. Academic folk have theorized (and proven?) that the feeling of being part of a group is a very strong human desire. I am It’s just that extra complication to communication that can be difficult to making connections with strangers in society here. That’s why, when I am walking down the street and I make eye contact with someone or I buy an egg wrap and the man hands me my food, I give the head nod with a smile. And if they nod back, well, that gives me a small connection with someone. And goll darn it that makes me feel good.
So when I come back home and we are talking and you ask me how was India? You know what might sum up the trip well? You guessed it, head bob.

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